Category Archives: Relationships

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Reflections on Marriage: From my parents’ 45th anniversary

For my parents’ 45th anniversary in 2012, I

threw them a surprise party. I interviewed them ahead of time and told them that it was for a blog post I was working on about tips for a lasting marriage. My secret intention was to read their answers at the party, which everyone enjoyed. However, so that I uphold my word, here is a long overdue but timely post from my amazing parents’ experience, wisdom and humor. I interviewed them separately so the first time they heard the other person’s reply was at the party.

For those of you who know my theory about trees and clouds, you will clearly see that my dad is a cloud of clouds and my mom is more of a tree. More on that another time.

My parents, Glen & Lillian Whitmore

My parents, Glen & Lillian Whitmore

Me: What was the best advice you have received or been given on marriage?

Dad: I don’t know if it was best, but what comes to mind was a casual casual mini-moment in a sermon. It was the only time I was at this church as a student before we were married in Evansville. Just north of Chicago. I wrote it down. It caught my attention and it stayed. And it’s validity has been confirmed ever since in whatever area, money, decision making, relationships.. because it is a foundation point and that’s the key. Marriage is by faith. A person has no idea what it will look like. What twists and turns it will take, what flexibility it will require. And adaptability. And steadfastness that marriage the relationship will require. So you agree to it as a concept with no idea what it looks like but you agree to it by faith. You can’t go back. It’s very forward-looking in a positive directional sense. Colossians 3:15 says something that would be helpful. 

Mom: I never remember these things. I don’t remember if someone told me but choose the right person. Be smart about who you choose.

 

Me: What do you remember about your wedding day?

Dad: There will be several things – 3 with no particular order.

1. As we were walking up the aisle, Lil noticed “You’re trembling. Are you ok?” Yes. But probably embarking on a whole new thing. Life in 10 minutes looked totally different. 

2. We had discussed ahead of time, everyone attending was surprised, our vows were memorized (I had never said them perfectly until the right moment – to the relief and amazement of the bride). We had decided we would pray. I prayed the prayer of blessing over the microphone on the floor. 

3.  We had planned our escape from the several imagined people who would give pursuit. It worked flawlessly (even though no one chased). Footnote to that: talk to each other and plan well together.

Mom: It was fun. It was simple. Lot of our friends were there. And the bird got killed by the cat. Grandma Whitmore was looking after Mor-Mor’s bird [Anne’s great-grandmother]. And dad had a kitten the summer he was home. After the afternoon wedding and reception (cake, nuts and punch and tea and coffee), we went back to Willlowcrest [Anne’s Grandma’s home] to visit with family from out of town. And Grandma Whitmore was so upset. I had never seen her so upset. Everyone showed up. No glitches.  I had no doubts. I didn’t have any second thoughts. Sure was simpler than weddings now. 

 

Me: What is a fond memory of the last 45 years of marriage?

Dad: There are too many. (We came back to this one). People. 

1.  Outside our family: Qualified by significant relationships of mutual respect. Because wherever we lived, there was always at least one couple that was a cut above everyone else in every way and the close friendship. 

2. Our kids 

Mom: My goodness. I think probably the surprise trip to Glacier with Keebaughs before we left Idaho. I think just the experience of being in Idaho was really special. I don’t have unfond memories so it is hard to say the fondest one. Our trip to Vietnam. There have been lots of good ones. 

 

Me: What is your secret for making your marriage last?

Dad: Goes back to flexible, adaptable and talking together. A LOT. A lot is not good enough. Talking together about all of life including working through processing discoveries, working through surprises. Related to those, to read a lot and pray a lot and maintain a forward perspective.  

Mom: (chuckles) I don’t think I ever entertained the thought that it wouldn’t last. It was never on my radar that it wouldn’t last. So when I went into it, I went into it for the long haul. Seeing the positive side of things and not taking anything (I do take life seriously) but pessimistically seriously. Always believing that we would get through it and things would get better. Just life in general. Our common faith definitively contributed. Being willing to change. Holding in balance being dependable so we can count on each other (I never had a shadow of a doubt that he wouldn’t be there when I needed him)  and being adaptable. Not being stuck in a rut. 

 

Me: What is your favorite thing about the other person?

Dad: Three parts. 

First one is my enjoyment, admiration and respect of how she has developed her talents and gifts. Because this is a long story and it did not come easily and it has only been in the last 22 years and to me it has been very very fascinating to behold. 

2. Summary word would be her continual support. What was the question again? (that wasn’t one of the 3)

3. Her ability to succinctly communicate wisdom. Because I am an introvert and I look at someone who can express things well and I say, that’s really cool. I have to work at it – in contrast. Again, lots of illustration on that. 

4. Probably has to do with flexible.

Mom: I think as groaner-ish as his sense of humor is, his sense of humor. 

What was the question now?

His willingness to change.

His dependability. 

His kindness.

O yes, we’re so different. But that’s what makes it interesting. 

 

Ain’t that the truth.

 

I’m grateful to my parents for sharing and modelling real life love.

In Joy,

anne

 

By Anne Whitmore

 


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Announcement: DISC Workshops

 

I am really pleased to announce our next set of workshops based on the DISC behavioural profile in August and September.

Communicate with Style: DiSC Basics

This 3 hour workshop introduces the DiSC profile of four behavioural styles to help you understand your personal style and awareness of other styles.
Dates: August 22nd or September 20th, 6:30 – 9:30 pm

Benefits of this workshop:

  • Understand the 4 basic behavioural styles (DiSC)
  • Have a clear understanding of your personal style
  • Learn about what issues are important to you in communication
  • Have a strategy to interact more effectively

Build Powerful Networking Relationships with Advanced DiSC

Date: September 29th, 10:00 am – 4:30 pm

You will learn how to use the DiSC profile to identify the behavioral style of people you meet and  dramatically increase your communication effectiveness. Included is a personalized assessment and report of your personal style (value $50).

This is ideal for networkers, sales people and teams, business owners and entrepreneurs who depend on the ability to connect with people they meet to open relationship doors and close sales. It will change the way you approach clients and tailor your style to give them the best environment possible.

Topics covered in this course include:

  • Understanding the DISC profile and your personal profile
  • Assessing typical questions in a prospect’s mind
  • Choosing approaches to connecting based on profile
  • Understanding what motivates prospects (and what demotivates them)
  • Creating ways to stay engaged (customer retention)

For more details and how to register, click here.


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March 19th Workshop – Communicating with Style: DiSC Basics

This is the second evening workshop coming up on using the DiSC Profile to understand your own style in behavior and communication. ** registration deadline has been extended til 5pm.

Have you ever wondered why you do what you do? Or why you click naturally with some people and not with others?  This 3 hour workshop introduces the DiSC profile of four behavioural styles to help you understand your personal style. Raising your awareness of your natural preferences will empower you to connect with your innate talent and abilities and use them to connect more powerfully with other people.

Benefits of this workshop:

  • Understand the 4 basic behavioural styles (DiSC)
  • Have a clear understanding of your personal style
  • Learn about what issues are important to you in communication
  • Have a strategy to interact more effectively

This workshop is ideal for sales people, managers, team members and business owners.

DivaFish Communications provides coaching and training in personal development, leadership and team connection and community building.
The common thread is developing the ability to maintain personal integrity while in relationship with other people and organizations.
We are experienced in working with organizations of all shapes and sizes, from one person pre-startups to not-for-profits and
international, public companies. We believe that the key to connecting with other people is to first understand yourself.

Anne Whitmore, Personal Coach & Corporate Trainer

Anne is a professionally trained, certified Co-Active® coach and corporate trainer who is known for helping people connect with
themselves and their community. She specializes in working with business leaders to build their businesses in alignment with their
value systems and own their lives.
Anne has been an entrepreneur for all her life (she had her first business at 6) and has been officially self employed for 11 years.

Darrell Ross, Corporate Trainer
Since 1997, Darrell Ross has delivered hundreds of workshops, seminars and keynotes helping business professionals generate more sales
through effective relationships. He has spoken at international seminars in Vancouver, Toronto, Los Angeles and Seattle and presented
in corporations and trade associations. Darrell is a contributing author to the new York Times best seller “Masters of Networking” and
the Wall Street Journal best seller “Masters of Success”.

Darrell helped develop a “How to Do Business on the Golf Course” training program that has since been franchised throughout North
America. He is currently the corporate trainer for an immigration consulting firm based in Vancouver.

Simple. Practical. Powerful.
*Registration closes for this event at 5 pm on Friday, March 16th.


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March 6th Workshop – Communicate with Style: DiSC Basics

This is another evening option for the DiSC Basics workshop.

Have you ever wondered why you do what you do? Or why you click naturally with some people and not with others?  This 3 hour workshop introduces the DiSC profile of four behavioural styles to help you understand your personal style. Raising your awareness of your natural preferences will empower you to connect with your innate talent and abilities and use them to connect more powerfully with other people.

Benefits of this workshop:

  • Understand the 4 basic behavioural styles (DiSC)
  • Have a clear understanding of your personal style
  • Learn about what issues are important to you in communication
  • Have a strategy to interact more effectively

This workshop is ideal for sales people, managers, team members and business owners.

 

Simple. Practical. Powerful.

*Registration closes for this event at noon on Friday, March 2nd.


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Live on the air…

I had the treat of being interviewed by Caroline MacGillivray of Beauty Night Society on her radio show “Sexy in VanCity”. She had seen my presentation on “Putting the ‘I’ back in Team” and thought it was a timely topic for Valentines Day. We talked about how to put the ‘I’ back into the relational team as well as communication, dealing with singlehood, keeping your sex life alive and other fun relationship things. You can have a listen here.

I must admit it was my first time on a radio show and was pretty exciting. I was nervous beforehand and hoped that I wouldn’t run out of things to say – and that what I did say made sense. I’d love to hear your feedback!